I don’t think there is another holiday that can bring up so many different emotions – from over the top declarations of love to disdain for what some consider a commercialized Hallmark holiday to loneliness and sadness.

Valentines Day.

Now for those of you who are in beautiful, committed relationships with the loves of your life, I hope you took the time to celebrate it, in a way that was meaningful for you. And I’m happy for you. Truly.

For those, like me that found themselves alone, let this be a time for reflection, self love and gratitude.

I say this only after spending the days leading up to Valentine’s Day in a funk and the depths of loneliness. I didn’t even think of calling a London escort at the time to keep me company. This was the ugly kind of alone. Not the joyful and empowering alone.

Last week was incredibly challenging at work, the kind of days where I came home and just wanted to share the shittiness with my person. Have him listen and comfort me and assure me that everything was going to be okay. As Sunday approached, the painful feelings of being alone intensified and hopelessness started to set in, until I received a divinely timed message from a girlfriend, reminding me of how much I meant to her. Truly. Divinely. Timed.

Going to bed on Saturday night, I made a decision – I would wake up on Sunday and be my own Valentine. I know that sounds Pollyanna and cliched, but I had to remind myself that I need to be my number one, to take good care of myself and treat myself with gentle kindness and love.

I filled Sunday with things I truly love, I say truly love, because in moments of darkness and painful loneliness I can convince myself that I’m eating the entire pizza because I love it, or I love ice cream so I should have the entire pint.

Sunday was not this kind of day. I choose to move my body, to break a sweat and release the fear, anger and disappointment of the last week. I reached out to my people, while I may not have that person in my life right now, I am blessed with a tribe of people who love and support me no matter what. I reached out for support and comfort from them. Friends who didn’t say things like ‘you don’t need a man or don’t let society’s labels define your happiness,’ but instead know that to be true and choose to say ‘I love you and one day you’ll find that person that you long to find, the one who will love you as much as I love you.’

Friends, it’s completely normal to feel alone. Sometimes, I can be joyously alone, and other times like this weekend, the loneliness is ugly. In those moments, reach out to friends and family that love and support you no matter what. Do those things that energize you. Practice deep loving self care and most of all be your own Valentine. Not just on February 14th, but everyday, and particularly on those days where the loneliness causes unhappiness. You are amazing. Remind yourself of that everyday and love yourself like you want to love and be loved.

Because you are worthy of such love. Truly you are.

xx
Neelam